Life is a test and I get bad marks

1.immune system breakdown. i was getting sick every two months for a year, and finally in the spring of 99 i got hepatitis and mono at the same time, which turned me into a vomit tornado with yellow eyeballs for two months, and gave me chronic fatigue for the next two years. which led to number two.

2.spiritual breakdown. this little nervous breakdown, which lasted about two years, was one of the best things that ever happened to me. it turned out great in the end, even though it was a living hell for a long time. in our society, we are supposed to feel ashamed of ourselves when we breakdown, were supposed to go to the shrink to “fix” the “problem”, so that we can come out as smiling productive members of society. what a load of crap. we must live in the loneliest society on earth, one that has taken the spiritual aspect out of becoming a healthy person. in other cultures, spirituality, human phycology, physical health and meditation are all one thing. you cant separate them into compartments. i didnt know any of this a few years ago, and my breakdown forced me to begin to see through the horrible mental boxes that our society imposes on everyone. two years ago i was a mess, every belief i had was disintegrating, everything i had based my life on seemed shaky. i was tired, confused, and i just didnt think i could simply sing my way out of it this time. and i was right. the songs i did write were confused, very dark and not anything i thought anyone needed to hear. they were more for myself, to help me to work through my mental problems. so, doing shows seemed inappropriate, since anything i would sing would instantly end up on the net, for everyone to hear. im not knocking people sharing my music on the internet, but at that point, it didnt seem right.